Stand in Faith: Are you listening?

 Warning: Long post ahead.

I'm starting week six of the Priscilla Shirer Bible study called "Discerning the Voice of God." At the very beginning of the study, she wanted us to make note of some current issues that we are struggling with. I believe the idea behind it is to posture ourselves to hear from God on those issues as we engage in prayer regarding that situation and  are receptive to what God is teaching us over the course of Priscilla's seven week bible study.

So on Monday, I began day one  of week six of the study. We are reading Habakkuk and recognizing that in chapter 1, verses 2 and 3, Habakkuk sounded a little desperate for or frustrated with God. 

        "How long, Lord, must I call for help and you do not listen or cry out to you about violence and             you do not save? Why do you force me to look at injustice? Who do you tolerate wrongdoing?"

In reading those verses, I felt a sense that Habakkuk was unsure if God would respond at all. 

Then Priscilla asks that we think about a request we've been bringing to the Lord, perhaps through this entire study. To answer some questions, based on the verses on Habakkuk, we ourselves might be asking God. 

My issue has and continues to be my son's struggles with ADHD. They've led to behavior issues in school despite an increase in medication and friction with a particular teacher that eventually resulted in the decision to remove him from her class and place him in another teacher's class. The change was made at the beginning of this week and I am praying and waiting to see how this shakes out with the new teacher or if the behavior issues will continue.

Continuing on day one of the study with some writing prompts based on Habakkuk 1:2-3 : 

How long.......before we have a solution to help deal with the behavior issues at school. 

Why.........can't teachers and educators be a little more understanding?

In light of your real questions and concerns, do you still expect God to respond and speak to you? Or are you losing hope instead? Write your honest thoughts here: I expect that God will respond, but in HIS time. Maybe I'm praying about this the wrong way. 

STOP. When God usually speaks to you, do you feel there is a special way in which he does that that is unique to you?

I have always said God speaks to me in one of two ways: through conversations or words from other people or through music. 

So I completed my day one of the bible study on Monday and contemplated some ways I might be able to change my prayer about the situation with James. 

Then came Tuesday.

I'm on a rabbit trail to learn more about Priscilla Shirer and her family and I'm watching a Youtube video with her mother Lois Evans and her sister Crystal Evans Hurst. They're discussing a variety of topics that include parenting. Priscilla begins her discussion by explaining that she was the problem child for her parents, who often got in trouble at school for talking too much in class. Her parents disciplined her for this but then called out what they saw in her as the efforts of a good communicator. They wanted her to understand that she had to follow the rules but more than that they wanted to speak life into her. Okay God. My listening ears are on.

And then she said (word for word): "So if you have a problem child, ask the Lord to help you see the problem through His lenses. There might be something in that that He's created them for."

And there is my new prayer. God used Priscilla Shirer to speak to me about something I'd been asking of Him. Are you listening? It's not a coincidence that the day before I questioned if my prayer about the situation was not being prayed in the way that it should. God answered me the next day. That's what I believe happened. 

And then came Danny Gokey as soon as I started the car to leave work: 

I will stand in faith

Walk by faith

Live by faith

I believe, I believe, I believe

Believe He is who He says He is. Stand in faith that He will answer your prayers. Live by faith when you want to be fearful or doubt. And don't let that stop you from taking your troubles to Him. 

We need to stop thinking that our sin or fear or doubt or anxiety is a reason for us to not go to God when we need Him. He wants a relationship with us. He is our Heavenly Father who wants us to come sit on the porch swing with Him at the end of a long day and tell Him how it went. He wants to hear from us. I tend to envision it as sitting down next to Him and letting Him put his arm around you, not only as a means of comfort but a way to let you know that He is listening. Because He is. I don't know why that's the image that pops up in my mind, but it does. Maybe it has to do with the memory of being a child and sitting on my great grandmother's front porch swing. Just the sense of peace and comfort it made me feel, even today just reflecting on it.

Sometimes if we are not getting the answers we need, it could be that it's just not a part of God's will for our life. It could also be that the answer just hasn't come yet. I believe with my whole heart in this situation that my prayer was not what it should be - because I wasn't looking at the situation through His lenses. I hope this encourages you not to get frustrated or doubtful and wonder if God is even listening. 

I believe that God is always listening. We just have to be willing to return the favor and make sure we are listening as well so we are waiting in anticipation of what He has to say to us. When was the last time you sat on the porch swing and talked with Him? 

Story of a Runaway

You know those moments in life when you think something happens by accident, by coincidence, or just randomness?

Nothing in life is by accident.

Nothing in life is a coincidence.

And there is nothing random about life.

That is God. 

My mind has been swirling this morning. Why? It has something to do with the Bible study I'm currently involved in. It has something to do with the timing of my pastor's sermons and the subject matter he's been preaching about from the pulpit each week. That something is called the Holy Spirit. It is God speaking to me through His word and through interactions and encounters with other people. 

This Bible study is by Priscilla Shirer and we just recently finished week four. 

In week four, one thing she asked of us was to research the names of God and to find one that called out to us. In my research I found one that took me back to the day I signed papers that would ultimately see the end of my marriage. I had believed for months that God had been silent during one of the most difficult times in my life. I remember driving away from the mediator's office and K-LOVE was on the radio. I was already crying by the time I drove out of the parking lot. And there was the voice of Ravi Zacharias reciting Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God, is with you wherever you go." 

I had to pull the car over. Prior to that I remember praying over and over that God would reveal Himself to me. I felt so unbelievably alone through the whole ordeal. And on the day that I would sign those papers and resolve to end my marriage, God sent a reminder that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

God is always there. God has always been there. So when Priscilla Shirer's bible study led me to research the names of God, I found one that spoke to me in a way that no other name did. Jehovah Shammah. It comes from the book of Ezekiel, and it means The Lord is There. It also references Psalm 139:7-12 and one link included a morning meditation or prayer:

God, I am never alone because you promised to be present in every situation with me. You never leave me or forsake me.

Yesterday morning our pastor made reference to Psalm 139:7. I knew right away it wasn't a coincidence. 

It was God. 

I was saved at the age of twenty eight. My daughter was just six months old. The short and sweet version of my testimony is after witnessing a physical recreation of the life and death of Jesus, I thought of the sweetest little girl safe at home in her crib and how what Jesus did for me is what I would be willing to do for her. I would be willing to lay down my life in the name of love. 

And somewhere in the sixteen years since I prayed the sinner's prayer and was baptized in front of our church, I realized that I've been keeping God in a box. I've answered calls to go on missions, I've been actively involved in our praise team, I've even recently started teaching Sunday School. But I've continued to keep God in this safe little box where I felt like I could call the shots. 

This goes back way too long for me to recount every single instance in life where I could show you why men can't be trusted. At least that's what I've always believed. Why? Because every single man in my life who should have or did play an important role had been facing his own demons. Sometimes, this was at the expense of our relationship. Other times it would lead to emotional scars that would take years before I would be able to heal. That is the harsh reality of what has been my life since birth. 

I realize now that they were facing their own demons and I can acknowledge that but acceptance has been a very long and trying road. Because in the struggles I faced and insecurities I struggled with, there were always doubts about my worth. There were lingering feelings of shame and guilt. There was pride that would cause me to believe I was blameless in the dissolution of my marriage. The reality is that I could have handle so many things better. I could have extended more grace and forgiveness. 

Questioning my worth and the insecurities I have faced with the men who played important roles in my life have caused me to doubt a God who would send His Son to die on a cross for me. That He would pursue a relationship with me. That His love is not earned. It is freely given without any strings attached. 

God pursues us. He wants relationship with us. His love has no conditions. It can't be earned or bought or even taken away. I am worth something to God. He wants a relationship with me because he loves me.

It's time to take God out of the box that I've been keeping Him in. It's time to stop holding Him at arm's length. Because He is not the image of the sinful and imperfect men in my life who have hurt me. I've spent entirely too long believing in and praying to and following but not in accepting. 

Accepting the pursuit of a Heavenly Father who wants me to cling to Him and come to Him when I am in need. When I am tired. When I need rest. He is my Jehovah Shammah. He has been present in every single moment of my life. And even at my worst He pursues me. 

It wasn't a coincidence that a Casting Crowns song was on WAY FM this morning as I'm driving to work trying to process all of this. 

It was God.

You didn't wait for me

To find my way to You

I couldn't cross that distance even if I wanted to.

You came running after me

When anybody else would've turned and left me at my worst

Love moved first.